Ant War

Report

 

Rank: PCV

 

Name: Yaayaa Dremmeh

 

Mission: Destroy ant colony in Jonkongo (Back yard, Bath Area, Toilet)

 

Remarks: With the scent of Bayonet still clinging to my nose, I crunch through yet one more m & m. What an interesting evening this has been. I had not planned on starting a war with the ants, but they drew first blood in a series of raids over the past couple of weeks. They were the ones in violation of the border treaties. They were the ones who refused all offers of peace talks. I have had to remove them twice from the water filtration plant (my peace corp issued water filter) set up in my house, and this latest surprise raid on my pit latrine was the final straw.

Let me set the scene. It is 12:30 at night I am tired and just want to go to the bathroom and then head to bed. I step out my back door and discover my yard now moves. It has become a sea full of life. Now to watch your yard move is a rather eerie experience. You know that there is something and a lot of something at that. Apparently in my short absence an entire ant colony decide to move into my pit latrine, or at least under the cement that covers my pit latrine. Not a huge advocate on war, I decided to try and reason with the ants and convince them to move on. When all peace and border talks broke down, there was only one thing left to do. Grab the can of, conveniently named, Bayonet and begin the massacre of thousands of ants.

Now having only one can of bug spray and a back yard full of ant meant I had to get the ants together and make them a more solid target, but how they refuse to listen when I spoke to them. Then I saw it, their main hive. All of the ants were either coming or going from right there. So it was then that I new my mission, I had to get in close to hole and wage my war there. As I carefully hop scotch my way through my back yard jumping over the seeming endless line of marching ants. My hopes begin to dwindle that I have enough spray to do the job. Finally arriving at my destination a mere meter from my enemy’s stronghold I dug in my heels and being the massacre.

As the mist from the first the runs of the yellow bomber begin to settle and alarm sounds. All of my back yard that was paying me no attention, suddenly returns to protect the hive and the queen. So I have no choice but to work and work fast. As fast as I can spot the targets the Yellow bomber comes in, carrying his fog of deadly payload and unleashes hell. Runs eight, nine, ten there is a steady fog emanating from my back yard and it is saturating my clothes and all the surrounding concrete. The casualties from this war as starting to add up. The bodies of my once healthy and active opponents now litter the ground like dew drops on a cool spring morning.

The bombing runs continue as the bodies begin to stack up around the entrance to the hive. I have now begun to focus my efforts on the hole which the enemy has secured as it stronghold. The only problem is that the bodies from my enemy’s are stacked up so high at the entrance that the spray can no longer penetrate down into the blackness. Then I see it the first of my collateral damage. A brown spider about the size of my fist bursts from the hole with such force and speed that I jump out completely out of my sandals. As I struggle to regain my composure as well as my sandals, I reach out and hit him with a direct shot. He squirms for a second and is then lifeless, but mean while my enemy’s seizing the chance. They had established and enacted an evacuation plan. Now usually I would let sleeping dogs lie, but that in my opinion would set a bad example for all of the other and tribes living in my area. I had to be firm in my decision even if it meant killing all of them. So I resume the bug bombing runs, and as the can nears exhaustion, so do I. I look to survey the scene and except for a few small patches of ants still squirming and clinging to life the ground is silent.

As the fog of the war slowly begins to settle, the carnage that has taken place is evident. The bodies of thousand of ants litter the area. Those ants still alive are doing search and rescue, but their efforts are on ground, that would qualify as nuclear fallout. For as they run across it searching for their friends who might still be alive they become infected with the Bayonet parasite and soon succumb to it sickness. Yes all is silent in my jonkongo.

About these ads

~ by mattcarte on 04/25/2010.